Press release

I am so proud that Mr Alex has asked me to put my name to a Press Release that the press office have written. As he said to me, "You there, are you a MSP? Good, you'll do", which left me positively weak about the knees that he has recognised my brilliance and intelligence, and obviously the motion that I have placed into the Parliament has been brought to his attention, which has left him highly impressed as he added, "You're Allan the sycophant, aren't you?"

I am to be told how to lead the attack on the Lib-Dems over farming subsidies, whatever they are, to allow Mr Alex to attack Labour because of something that happened in London. Mr Angus calls to shout at me that he is the Rural Affairs spokesman and how dare I tread on his toes, but I explain that I am just doing what Mr Alex has told me and he goes quiet.

In the end he tells me that he is going to issue the press release in his name, with a quote from me at the end, and after Kenny phones me to say that Rhona is on the rampage in the Constituency Office about the matter waving a pair of castration pliers and screaming at the top of her voice, I agree to Mr Angus' detailed instructions.

Mr Alex and Mr Angus speak to the press, and I hold my press conference in Gaelic as instructed by Mr Angus in the Lobby of the MacDonald Holyrood Hotel. Unfortunately no journalists turn up and I am told to move on by the Concierge. I did think 3am was a funny time for a press conference.

Gaelic words spoken: 357
Irate phone calls from Rhona: 7
Admiring glances at Mr Alex: 43