Accomodation costs

A journalist has asked me for a quote, I'm famous, someone knows who I am. Perhaps now the other MSPs will stop thinking I am the message boy and will stop asking me to get them a coffee.

I am asked for my view on the use of accommodation allowances for MSPs and I have an opinion which I am prepared to give, after I check with Mr Bruce that I am allowed to say what I think, or at least I am allowed to say what he thinks I should think. Mr Bruce's most junior assistant tells me what to say, and I memorise the words carefully to make sure I get it right.

I claim the moral high ground by pointing out that I am not using the Parliamentary allowances to buy a flat, preferring to rent. He swallows the story and I appear in print yesterday hopefully not looking too smug or scantimonious.

The story about renting is of course an excellent cover, which my landlord Donald John and I have concocted, as I wouldn't be allowed to buy a property given that I already own a property in East Lothian, which is under 30 miles from the parliament, and which I could drive carefully in under two hours.

I'm sure that with practice I could get up to almost 40 MPH on the A1, cutting my commuting time to under 90 minutes, but in the meantime I am able to get a rent from a property and have the Parliament pay a friend for another flat all within the rules. I just have to make sure that no-one in Gordon the Western Isles finds out what is going on.

Mugs of hot chocolate: 2 (I'm celebrating my fame)
Press releases drafted: 37
Press releases issued: 1