My staff

As befits someone of my status and ability, I have decided to do the best for the islands by employing staff who have the ability to undertake the work I instruct them to do in the appropriate fashion, or when Mr Angus phones, to drop everything and do as he says, and write brief concise press releases from me, as dictated to them by Mr Angus.

After much searching on the mainland, I appointed Graeme from Stonehaven to the Edinburgh post and Alan from Glasgow as my local eyes and ears in the islands. Despite not advertising anywhere not one person from the Western Isles applied for the posts I had already shortlisted, requiring the basic skills of being young, male, single, Gaelic speaking (except for Graeme) and with no connection to the islands other than having worked for my campaign. I was delighted when I was given the list of names by SNP HQ from which to recruit, which saved me the bother of having to consider ability or party loyalty in appointing an acolyte.

Both Graeme and Alan are nice young men, and Alan has settled into the Stornoway office quickly with the witty banter between him and leading Kenny to comment very favourably on our humour that "It is like working with Larry Grayson and John Inman". How Alan and I giggled like young girls at his flattery!

Gaelic words spoken: 998
Press releases written on my behalf by HQ: 19
Press releases reported anywhere: 1