Satire

I'm appalled that the Stornoway Gazette has lowered itself to satire by employing a 'journalist' to write a satirical column supposedly written by me.

Any fool could tell that it was not written by me as it was too boring, dull, uninteresting, repetitive, tedious, tiresome, uninteresting, grey, dreary, a celebration of the mundane, fawning, repetitive, uninspiring, lacklustre, mind-numbing, repetitive, long-winded, banal, dreary, humdrum, monotonous, repetitive, vapid, pointless, stodgy, bromidic, repetitive, joyless, protracted, obtuse, moronic, repetitive, pompous, overblown, irritating, repetitive nonsense.

I had to check with Kenny that he had not cut and pasted my memos into an unauthorised press release to the Gazette, before I phoned to complain. Kenny confirmed that he would never dare allow anyone outside the office to see any of my memos to protect me from public contempt, and that taking the initiative was not in his job description. I was delighted to hear this as it meant that Mr Angus was still able to ensure that both Kenny and I did what he expected, and didn't do anything stupid like thinking for ourselves. We both sought confirmation from Rhona that we were doing the right thing, and after a very giggly whispered conversation with Mr Angus she told us that we were not in trouble. Not this week anyway.

Press releases issued by Mr Angus: 3
Cut and paste press releases with my name: 3
Conversations with journalists: 0