Windy Alexander

I neatly skewered Mrs Alexander in committee today, and my incisive dialecticism and debating skills will no doubt be much discussed in the communties in the Western Isles for many a long day.

I look again in admiration at my words: "Would it be helpful perhaps to write to Ms Alexander to say that perhaps it would save herself some trouble in the future if people quoting discussions from committee bothered to find out what was actually said."

Wow, just how good am I, and with barely a lot of briefing from Mr Bruce I was able to get most of the phrases he told me to use in much the right order.

How could the Convener dare to say it wasn't a point of order, and try to accuse me of political point scoring when I never voted from him and he refused to speak to me in Gaelic.

Gaelic words spoken: 734
Cups of tea drunk: 1
Bowel motions: 3

An interesting book

Rhona has lent me an autobiography which she promises I will learn a lot from.

Ms Jones was apparently a very important Welsh Nationalist whose writings use allegories about underwear, cigarettes and wine as metaphors for the failure of Westminister to deliver the needs, requirements and yes rights of the people of Scotland and Wales. And the failure to address the issue of the Gaelic and Welsh languages. Except in the case of Welsh obviously.

I am wildly enthused by her writing, to the extent of reading the book until I was very tired (after 10pm!), and I have decided to use her trademark writings as an aide memoire to myself to demonstrate my successes.

Gaelic words used: 4365
New party slogans learned off by heart: 3
Glasses of wine: none (obviously!)

How hard I work

I wrote a serious letter to the Parliamentary Committee explaining just how hard I work and why I need more money to be able to bring the Gaelic language to the unsuspecting voters in the Western Isles.

I was supported in this righteous, and totally not self-serving, campaign by George Fuchs who I am told is a stalwart supporter of the Whisky industry, and once was someone important. He agreed with me that MSPs did much more work than MPs and should have bigger allowances to make us appear much more important.

Kenny was very supportive as he typed my press release, "You and George are so much more important than any MP", he said. I'm looking forward to telling Mr Angus about my new friend.

My speech

The education authorities in the Western Isles have annoyed me more than a little by their strange demands that I abide by protocol and do not encourage the teachers to revolt against their employers.

Today I made a speech in the Parliament, and a very good one it was too said many people who didn't hear it. Reading it again later I am very pleased with the quality of what was written for me by the Government and superbly printed by my assistant.

Speaking about the needs of the secondary education sector, I studiously avoided any reference to the Western Isles or the current problems there and I most certainly DID NOT make any kind of special pleading for the Comhairle and the problems that there are with dropping pupil numbers and too many schools and the schools needing major building work.

To make sure that the Education Department got the message, I didn't contact the Council ahead of the debate to get any kind of information or to see what I could do to assist them. Now they know who is in charge in the Western Isles!

I go out to celebrate my new found mental strength, hitting the Royal Mile pubs in a debauched manner for a small ginger beer before I catch a bus home in time to watch Reporting Scotland. And so to bed.

An interesting letter

The Director of Education has told the Headteachers to ignore my letter.

How dare he?! Mr Alex is in charge of education in the Western Isles (although he has allowed Miss Fiona to make some decisions), and I am allowed to make decisions press releases on his behalf.

Apparently it is not right to write to the Teachers encouraging them to think about doing something about the possibility that the schools might close. How ridiculous that an MSP cannot suggest to Headteachers that they might want to consider phoning me, if they have nothing better to do. The Director is making it sound like I am trying to stir them into opposing the Council’s action, and suggesting that they ignore both the unions and the consultative programme.

How ridiculous! I know nothing about the consultation process, and I don’t see why the unions should have the monopoly on representing staff. In the new Scotland there is no need for unions, as Mr Alex will look after the workers, and make sure that people like the Director don’t act so badly towards their staff.

I mean, it’s not like I’m suggesting armed insurrection, strike action or even a petition. Or even a meeting with the department. There is no need for any such vigorous action when there is the possibility of a meeting that might substitute for action.

I will instruct Kenny to write another letter, reminding the Director that I am the MSP, and he is a lowly public employee, answerable to taxpayers like me.

Schools closure

The repercussions of the visit of Miss Fiona to the schools in the Western Isles continue!

It serves the Comhairle right after their insulting behaviour to Miss Fiona and I. Mr MacLeod – who claims to be the Director of Education – and Mrs Munro – who claims to be the Chair – was terribly rude to Miss Fiona by sitting outside the school classrooms and the staff rooms as she toured the schools. Why should they expect to be invited into schools, when there was barely enough room for Miss Fiona, her PA, her assistant, me, two photographers and assorted other civil servants? Although Miss Fiona told them to sit outside she didn’t mean for them to be so rude as to tell the media, their colleagues and the Comhairle that weren’t welcome.

I am just about convinced that the closures of the schools is probably a bad idea, mostly, but certainly telling the press about it was a big mistake by the Comhairle. I am going to campaign, moderately vigorously, for the parents and teachers to meet and consider being unhappy that the Council was following Government policy in improving schooling and saving money.

I am writing to the Headteachers to get them to mobilise the parents to oppose the cuts, and I have asked them to phone me if they are sufficiently outraged, and we can see if I can arrange a meeting at some point to discuss the matter further.

That will show the Council who is the King of the Jungle!

Miss Fiona sends a message that I must in no circumstances suggest that the Council should get more money for any reason, and Mr Bruce phones to remind me nicely that I must do as told.

How I laugh into my cocoa at the suggestion that I might do something to stir up the public.

Being in Government

Back to the heady business of Government this week, after a mere eight weeks holiday.

I feel so proud and important to be such a tiny little cog in the important machinery of Mr Alex’s Government, and I am happy to do as instructed to ensure the smooth running of the Parliament.

I am summoned to meet Mr Bruce, who apparently is Chief Whipper, and he reminds me of that Mr Alex and him are watching my every move. I feel to honoured to have both these important men taking care of me at every step of the way, that the least I can do is promised – cross my heart, and hope to die – that I will be pleased to do exactly as they tell me.

I ask Kenny later what a Chief Whipper does. He tells me that Mr Angus has more experience in that field than he does, but he gave me a phone number for Miss Fifi for the next time I am in London.