Vote SNP - we know where you live

Alasdair Allan

This is a private journal about all the exciting things that have happened to me since I stood as MSP for Gordon the Western Isles. I am dedicated to the people of Gordon the Western Isles, and there is nowhere else I would rather represent. I even intend to live there soon.

I am not to be mistaken for for that imposter who pretends to be an MSP.

I really like this dynamic and exciting blog layout, which suits me perfectly.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Ferry fares

Mr John came to Stornoway today, which was very exciting for me and Mr Angus, as it proves to the doubters that we do actually visit Stornoway occasionally. After under an hour, we managed to find the SNP Office, with only some help from the map I keep in my pocket.

Kenny had issued the press release to everybody except the Labour Chair of Transport, Mr Manfield, who is dangerous as he thinks for himself. Mr Alex keeps promising Mr Angus that he will ensure that Mr Manfield has an implant, soon, but I fear Mr Manfield is beyond help.

Mr John had a stunning announcement (which I know to spell, it was Kenny that got it wrong, as usual) that he would be asking for a survey for someone to look at whether cutting ferry fares would be a good idea. If it proves not too expensive then Mr John might think about considering whether to do anything about the survey, and promises that he will then call for a report into the survey.

There! That will show the Labour Party that we are dynamic and forward thinking, and their claims of delay and prevarication are nothing short of scandalous.

Mr Angus said I read his press release very well, and it was very nice of me to praise him so highly. I asked Kenny for details of the campaign for lower fares Mr Angus has been in the forefront of for the past two years. He advised me that the details were so confidential that they were never released to anyone, and that if he told me he would have to kill me.

"When would I like the papers?", he asked, sharpening the office paper knife to allow him to cut the ream of paper in half with one nonchalant movement of his wrist.

Mr John wanted to go and see the devil tower manufacturing facility at Arnish. I placed myself into a trance to avoid contamination by the nacelles, and thankfully no-one noticed the difference.

To celebrate the success of today, I have adjourned for a celebratory drink. A large cocoa and my knitted dressing gown make this evening special.

I've read my wise words this many times

* No, not really. If you haven't worked out that this is a satirical exercise, then please get a life. And find one for Alasdair.