Referenda

That's the correct name for more than one, and not 'referendums' as some boring pedants would have it.

My former, former, former, employer Mike Russell has told me that he will not permit a referendum on the windfarms as it will set a precedent elsewhere. I have tried to persuade him he is wrong, using my now trusty phrase to "battle hard" for election promises to be adhered to, but he is not listening to me yet.

I know that democracy is vitally important, and that the democratically expressed will of the people is the most single important thing, and one we must defend to the hilt. That is why the democratically expressed will of the Scottish people to elect representatives for the magnificent four year plan for the Great Peoples March to Independence is so important.

This was no better demonstrated that the brilliant decision by Steven Tymkewycz Stephen Timkezwzyzcz Stevaan Tzizyzmzkzezwzyzcz Ztzezfzazn Tymkewycz the East European MSP to stand down after I demanded he speak to me in Gaelic. As he said himself in his incisive resignation email, "I'd rather sit on Edinburgh Council, look after my 15 flats, and do something useful, than be a useless piece of lobotomised lobby fodder."

To ensure the triumph of democracy, I have decided to once again ignore Comhairle nan Eilean Siar and all the planning decisions that they have taken and might take, and instead I will instigate a grass roots campaign to hold referenda across all the Community Council areas in Lewis. I'm going to write to them all, when they are formed after the elections, assuming they are actually formed, and get them considering whether to come on-board with my brilliant campaign.

Kenny is typing my first letter to them, asking them for suggestions for the questions and opinions they might want me to hold were there to be a demand from me to hold a referendum on the planning applications, given that the Executive won't hold to my promises. I have made it clear to them that they can hold a referendum at their own cost, instead of undertaking vital community developments, but that until I agree the questions will produce the answer I want, or even if there are to be questions, I will not allow them to squander their time and money on this matter.

This will show the Labour Party what leadership really is, and that I do know how to spend other people's money just as well as they do, and I know they will be cringing in their houses tonight when they hear of my brilliant new idea.

The letter needs some editing, as Kenny's drafts always do, and I am sure that I will find a better heading than "Dumb and dumber".