Vote SNP - we know where you live

Alasdair Allan

This is a private journal about all the exciting things that have happened to me since I stood as MSP for Gordon the Western Isles. I am dedicated to the people of Gordon the Western Isles, and there is nowhere else I would rather represent. I even intend to live there soon.

I am not to be mistaken for for that imposter who pretends to be an MSP.

I really like this dynamic and exciting blog layout, which suits me perfectly.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Fuel policy

I am a hero for bringing up the cost of fuel as instructed by Mr Alex, Mr Angus and Mr John!

Even Mr Angus is issuing press releases supporting my motion to the Parliament and reminding everyone that he has been raising the issue without any success for many a long year; and that if it weren't for him none of this inaction would have happened.

My triumphal motion reads as follows (translated from the Gaelic):

Since the popular election of Mr Alex by the unanimous vote of the now free people of Scotland and the overthrown of the socialist-fascist regime of Joke McConnell, the NuLab dictatorship in Westminster have attempted to further impoverish the Scots by deliberately levelling excessive taxes on the petrol than we mine. This house notes that in a fair society, all Scots would be entitled to drive their cars as far and as often as they wanted without having to pay for fuel, due to the munificence of the impending Emperor Salmond, and that the proceeds from the gifting of the oil to the voters would be invested wisely in a fund to ensure that the continuing success of Mr Alex is recognised on a global, and indeed inter-planetary, basis by all humans, animals and others alike. Fuel regulator details to be worked out later. France give discounts to rural areas, we want the same, as long as it is paid for by Westminster, not Holyrood. Stornoway Gazette please copy in detail, press release to follow.

I have already had almost 10 signatures supporting my motion which means that there may be some people in the chamber when I speak. I have already written my speech, keeping it topical and factual, from the copy given to me by HQ from the press release they issued when they decided I would front this for the SNP.

Kenny phones to ask if this will reduce his red diesel costs for his tractor; and will it reduce the pinking of the engine in his car if he adds marine gas oil and Spry Crisp & Dry to the petrol? So many questions, so little time! I tell him to ask Rhona, as she knows everything, but he tells me that she is busy deleting personal letters and emails from an ex-employees computer, and may be a few days yet.

Motions moved this week: 1
Laxatives taken: 2 (no effect yet)
Ex-employees seen in Parliament: 1

I've read my wise words this many times

* No, not really. If you haven't worked out that this is a satirical exercise, then please get a life. And find one for Alasdair.