Mr Alex is not guilty

The Local Government Committee, of which I am a senior member, met today to issue its report into the so-called Tr*mp affair.

As I prophesied, even before I saw any of the evidence, and as HQ instructed, there was not a shred of evidence to prove that Mr Alex had anything whatsoever, ever, to do with the consideration of the planning issues surrounding the application, and he knew nothing about the matter until the Labour press started to stir this up over nothing.

It was a great shame that the other parties represented on the Committee bother to waste their time by looking at the facts and hearing from Mr Alex and Mr John as they explained how the contacted anyone and everyone they could until the matter was called in.

Sadly, they came to the totally false conclusion that Mr Alex and Mr John had anything to do with the decision they instructed the Chief Planner to take to make such a momentous decision at short notice, and in the absence of the facts. As I said in the private session of the Committee, "Does it matter that Mr Alex abused his position and tried to control matters beyond his remit, before instructing Mr John to tell the Chief Planner to do what he can to rescue the plan proposed by his pal, Mr Tr*mp?"

We SNP members on the Committee were not going to let the Committee play politics with such a serious matter, so Kenny, Doris (who confusingly is a man) and I decided (as instructed by HQ) to dissent as a group on every issue where there could be any suggestion of any impropriety by any Minister, or any of our friends.

I was to lead the way and I duly started by dissenting to the title of the report; and then the ISBN; and then the page numbers; before passing the batton of dissent to Kenny. That is not Kenny from my office, as that would just be silly, but another Kenny (no relation), who is apparently also a MSP.

Mr Alex will be pleased at the hugely favourable coverage for him that has followed from our actions!

Dissent registered: 11234 times
People called Kenny I know: 2
Camomile and daisy tea drunk: 1 cup