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Alasdair Allan

This is a private journal about all the exciting things that have happened to me since I stood as MSP for Gordon the Western Isles. I am dedicated to the people of Gordon the Western Isles, and there is nowhere else I would rather represent. I even intend to live there soon.

I am not to be mistaken for for that imposter who pretends to be an MSP.

I really like this dynamic and exciting blog layout, which suits me perfectly.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Energy Conference

I am honoured to be speaking at this meeting which I hope will put the final nail in the coffin of big renewable energy plans for the Western Isles. Too many people cannot imagine the ruthless massacre of bird life that these big turbines will cause. I hope that the community will develop a few small turbines, but not too many or that may cause growth of the economy, which as we know is a bad thing, unless as a result of the actions by Mr Alex.

My topic is "Energy: An opportunity to be seized?", which is a blindingly obvious question.

Kenny and I have made a list of the key issues that I will be raising, and demanding that the Comhairle taken forward immediately from their own vast resources, given that Mr Jim has already told us not to suggest that the Government has any role in this matter.

The first opportunity that need to be grasped straight away is to ensure a vigorous and reliable campaign to ensure that all relevant energy terms are translated into Gaelic. Key words and phrases that need IMMEDIATE attention include:

  • Three-phase switching gear
  • Nacelle
  • Cetacean-friendly sub-surface tidal-power experimental device
  • Low-energy bulb
  • On-shore deep-storage non-radioactive non-nuclear facility
  • Turbine-blade manufacture capacity
  • Nuclear meltdown
  • Mme Guillotine meets the Amec Board
I am proposing that the Comhairle, together with Highland and Islands Enterprise, the University of the Highland and Islands and Bord na Gaidhlig develop a huge range of courses to encourage and seize the opportunities that are offered.
  • Gaelic as a Foreign Language
  • Retraining engineers at the Arnish windfarm factory as Gaelic speaking nursery nurses
  • A Professorship in peat extraction techniques, focussing on the non-extraction of peat (Gaelic speakers only)
  • Tidal barrages for beginners
  • Engineering small turbines as they don't harm birds (sponsored by RSPB)
  • Successful location of windfarm developments (to be delivered through the Falkland Isles campus and sponsored by MWT)
  • Subsidy application (advanced course)
  • Social Care - how to look after the elderly and infirm in a collapsing economy (Gaelic and Polish only)
  • Oil extraction and pipeline observation for bystanders - West Side campus only
  • Solar power - can Lewis become the new Sahara?
At least no-one can accuse me of complacency.

Instructions received from HQ: 46
Gaelic words spoken: 4437
Bright ideas: 1

I've read my wise words this many times

* No, not really. If you haven't worked out that this is a satirical exercise, then please get a life. And find one for Alasdair.