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Alasdair Allan

This is a private journal about all the exciting things that have happened to me since I stood as MSP for Gordon the Western Isles. I am dedicated to the people of Gordon the Western Isles, and there is nowhere else I would rather represent. I even intend to live there soon.

I am not to be mistaken for for that imposter who pretends to be an MSP.

I really like this dynamic and exciting blog layout, which suits me perfectly.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Press release about Arnish reopening

We should all be proud of the immense amount of work undertake by Mr Alex, Mr Angus and I in delivering over 600 new jobs to the new yard in Arnish.

Mr Angus and I fought long and hard to stop the previous factory succeeding as it would have resulted in the islands being entirely covered with those horrible Labour-inspired wind turbines which would have brought death, plague and disaster to the islands on a scale not seen since the Vikings beached their longboats in Achmore and proceeded to place fishfarms in every loch, importing migrant workers from the East (i.e. Point) to put good Lewis people out of jobs.

The resulting unemployment, mortgage arrears, despondency, marital strife and emigration were a small price to pay for the protection of the local way of life (i.e. my election) and for the protection of the wildlife of the islands.

As a consequence, Mr Angus and I are wholly responsible for the highly ongoing successful breeding programme of the black-backed gull and for the preservation of the endangered – and highly secretive – flying stoat of Melbost Borve. This rare nocturnal creature is the only marsupial on the islands, if you exclude Kenny’s cousin, Kirsty Morag Jojoba MacLeod, who lives in a converted bothan in Upper Dibidale as a result of an unfortunate encounter with a Koala, two wallabies and later a duck-billed platypus during a visit to her Uncle Angie Alex “Crocodile” MacLeod in Edinburgh zoo.

Mr Angus and I were pleased to be able to break the news of Bo-Fib re-opening the yard ahead of the ridiculous embargo placed on it by HIE, as we had been so involved in the process of receiving calls from HIE to tell us what was happening. It is ludicrous that HIE seem so upset by our press statements, as Mr Angus has already designed the next technological leap for the towers that Bo-Fat have promised to built at Arnish out of spare tractor parts and creels, guaranteeing at least a generation’s employment for the entire island. And I have that on good authority from the MD of Butt-Fit when I told him about Mr Angus’ designs.

People: rejoice at Mr Alex, Mr Angus and I and our ability to deliver all these jobs, and remember that being a branch outlet for a big yard may mean that the employment is sporadic, but at least you are not selling your soul to the Labour Party and the Council by having constant employment building wind towers.

I've read my wise words this many times

* No, not really. If you haven't worked out that this is a satirical exercise, then please get a life. And find one for Alasdair.