Vote SNP - we know where you live

Alasdair Allan

This is a private journal about all the exciting things that have happened to me since I stood as MSP for Gordon the Western Isles. I am dedicated to the people of Gordon the Western Isles, and there is nowhere else I would rather represent. I even intend to live there soon.

I am not to be mistaken for for that imposter who pretends to be an MSP.

I really like this dynamic and exciting blog layout, which suits me perfectly.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Protecting jobs

The crisis in the salmon processing industry has caused Mr Angus and I to spring into action only ten days after the problem came to our notice. (Phoning around, Kenny found Mr Angus in a Thai restaurant interviewing a young lady for the post of assistant under-MP)

I met with the workers yesterday, which the Gazette reported under the headline "Fearful staff meet with MSP", and I didn't really mean to scare them that much with my detailed and careful advice on the matter.

I explained that I had written to the Minister, in Gaelic, to ensure that he was aware that I thought that closing the factory was a bad idea. I made it very clear to him that all the workers were born and bred in the islands and were fluent Gaelic speakers to a man or woman, and that if the factory closed they would be out of a job. I emphasised that it is important that no foreigners are involved in either the operation or management of the company, and that it was created by local Gaelic speakers.

My thirty second speech was met with the traditional throwing of knives and fish guts, most of which just missed me, as the workers showed their support for my position.

I then opened up for questions from the floor, and the first one was from a Labour activist who asked if I intended to lobby the Minister directly, and seek public sector support to ensure that the factory would continue. Speaking slowly, so he would understand, I explained that one only lobbied SNP Ministers when they had given you permission and intended to support you. Under the circumstances i.e. that the jobs were going to the Ministers constituency, it was not within my remit to lobby the Minister.

Calling halt to the extensive questioning at that point, I collected Kenny from the canteen where he was enjoying a plate salmon tartare, and a salmon caviar roll, which I reminded him was disrespectful to Mr Alex, and we exited the building before the bucket of salmon blood and guts could be pushed to the car in a celebratory drenching, to show their support for my position.

After dropping Kenny off at the office, I drove home, slightly faster than usual in case I was followed (25mph), and phoned Mr Angus to advise him to avoid the factory at all costs.

Letters written to Minister: 1
Phone calls from Minister telling me to 'butt out': 3
Smell of fish from my clothes: extensive and pervasive

I've read my wise words this many times

* No, not really. If you haven't worked out that this is a satirical exercise, then please get a life. And find one for Alasdair.