Vote SNP - we know where you live

Alasdair Allan

This is a private journal about all the exciting things that have happened to me since I stood as MSP for Gordon the Western Isles. I am dedicated to the people of Gordon the Western Isles, and there is nowhere else I would rather represent. I even intend to live there soon.

I am not to be mistaken for for that imposter who pretends to be an MSP.

I really like this dynamic and exciting blog layout, which suits me perfectly.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Scottish Health care

Once again the Scottish Health Care system is the envy and talk of the world, with our ability to produce miraculous cures and help the dying to live again.

It is only through the vast increase in expenditure by the SNP Government that the Health Service is able to produce such miracles, by revoking the wasteful sums being spent by Labour over the previous millenia and directing money towards essential services.  We have dramatically reduced waste on such luxuries as guards, the timely delivery of prisoners to court and pre-signed voting papers and redirected it into wall to wall Xboxes, therapeutic massages, self defence classes and a selection of herbal teas with Gaelic labels.

I have written to the Minister congratulating him for his action, and to the Justice Secretary thanking him for showing the rest of the world just what they have to do to keep up with Scotland.

I refer, of course, to the two Liberton men who were released on compassionate grounds by Mr Kenny just a year ago - Ali Bassett and Ali McGraw.

With both men facing an imminent death due to their continued torture and mistreatment in a secret Labour prison the SNP were able to have them released into the care of the NHS Scotland, which is now properly funded by the SNP.  Such was the sheer munificence and majesty of Mr Kenny's decision that the two immediately went into spontaneous remission, and the NHS were able to subcontract the medical care to the Liberian NHS, under the tender loving care of Dr Colonel Mohammed McGaffney.  The Liberia Government having freely provided the doctors to assess the degree of fatalness of the health problems faced by both men.  The objectivity of their assessment was ensured by Mr Kenny taking advice from Dr BP Backhander who flew in specially for the day to meet the spin doctors.

We must never forget the seriousness of the offences that these men committed, having been duly convicted by a jury of their peers in a Judge-only Court of some of the most serious paper-cuts and chinese burns ever inflicted on 270 people by someone who was not in the room or even the correct country at any time that might suggest their guilt.

With both men now under the watchful eye of James MacGlumpeter of Lanarkshire Social Work dept, who monitors their every movement by being told what is happening by Dr McGaffney.

Their spectacular remission is testament to the fantastic treatment they have received from the NHS (now properly funded by the SNP) and the pathetic Labour party would have left them to die in prison.

Mr Kenny has told us that they are next to Death's Door, which is a night club in Tripoli, beside the Green Revolution their 7-star hotel where they live a life of constant pain, shopping and champagne, paid for by the NHS in Scotland.

Only the lowest of the low would suggest that we have betrayed the victims, whilst in reality we have prolonged their lives at the expense of intentional relationships, and that is a price I believe that we are happy to pay, or so Mr Alex tells me.
their Government

I've read my wise words this many times

* No, not really. If you haven't worked out that this is a satirical exercise, then please get a life. And find one for Alasdair.