Vote SNP - we know where you live

Alasdair Allan

This is a private journal about all the exciting things that have happened to me since I stood as MSP for Gordon the Western Isles. I am dedicated to the people of Gordon the Western Isles, and there is nowhere else I would rather represent. I even intend to live there soon.

I am not to be mistaken for for that imposter who pretends to be an MSP.

I really like this dynamic and exciting blog layout, which suits me perfectly.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Sunday sailings

The Lords Day Observance Society have not been very helpful in trying to force me and Mr Angus to restate our views on the vexed issue of Sunday sailings of the CalMac ferry which I am told runs over the sea between Stornoway and Ullapool.

Kenny has told Mr Angus and I that under no circumstances must we offend the Free Church, as that would mean that Mr Maroot would be likely to remove his essential financial support for the local branch, and without that £500 per year we would be in serious trouble!

After much discussion with Donnie Gazette we have come up with a coherent policy that he has written for us that makes sure that the public know exactly where we stand in this vital issue. I have issued this press statement far and wide, but especially to the late John MacLeod who has demeaned his position as an independent journalist by not taking the view that Mr Angus and I tell him to take. I have instructed Kenny to write to Mr Alex suggesting that the Daily Mail be purged for the list of approved newspapers in an Independent Scotland and the John MacLeod be immediately placed on the list of banned writers that an independent commission, which has yet to be appointed, add to the first version of the persona non grata.

My statement is a masterpiece of clarity that should make it entirely clear where I stand.

I am someone who strongly supports the rights of the individual.

I would personally never use a Sunday ferry, as I believe that Sunday is a very special day on which we should not do any work, other than when I am engaged on SNP business on the mainland or campaigning for the SNP or otherwise instructed to do something by Mr Alex. Also my plane fares are paid by the Parliament and I would be foolish to spend seven hours [Kenny is this right?] on the boat when I can fly to Edinburgh in one hour on expenses.

It is not right that Sunday ferries are imposed on any section of the community who may, or may not, be willing, or not accepting, of a decision or otherwise after due consultation and public involvement of the community in reaching a view that should be accepted by the company.

Further, without public representation on the matter, the position is not clear and I urge California MacBrian to review the failure to provide the consultation in Gaelic.

This matter is not a political decision and my view is therefore not relevant to the decision that is being made by Balamory MacBrain, as instructed by Mr Stewart.

I have written to Mr Stewart making it clear that if he had any say in the matter then I hope he will listen to my constituents views that the decision to implement Sunday sailings has been a political decision taken by the Labour Party in the Comhairle with the sole purpose of trying to undermine my credibility as a leader of the community opinion.

Other than that, I will make no comment on a decision has nothing to do me.
Phew! That has got me off the hook, and the local party will be delighted with my clear and logical stance.

Kenny has issued the press release and unplugged his phone, directing all calls to me. The first of which comes from a sobbing John MacLeod muttering Gaelic obscenities and curses in equal order at my lack of backbone and decisiveness. How dare he!

I had asked Mr Alex to expel John MacLeod with immediate effect, but I needn't have bothered as he later returned his membership card attached to four white feathers. Still attached to a whole, fresh chicken.

Kenny broke the joyous news, ate the chicken, feathers and all, and he celebrated another success by opening a tin of lobster and goose broth which he washed down with pint glass of low alcohol Vin de Swainbost Chenin Rouge (24% proof) and 6 Regal.

Home to bed and my collection of the speeches of Mr Alex and the Transformers box set.

I've read my wise words this many times

* No, not really. If you haven't worked out that this is a satirical exercise, then please get a life. And find one for Alasdair.