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Alasdair Allan

This is a private journal about all the exciting things that have happened to me since I stood as MSP for Gordon the Western Isles. I am dedicated to the people of Gordon the Western Isles, and there is nowhere else I would rather represent. I even intend to live there soon.

I am not to be mistaken for for that imposter who pretends to be an MSP.

I really like this dynamic and exciting blog layout, which suits me perfectly.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Wind farm decision

There is sheer delight and unmitigated dancing in the streets of Stornoway street of Bragar as the announcement that the windfarm is to be banned is made.

No word was due for another few weeks, but at the annual conference Mr Angus made a verbal misstatement in the presence of the press and things moved quickly from there to where we are today.

On Saturday night, Mr Angus and I were talking at the Conference about the important matters that concern us, such as his development of a perpetual motion machine aged 3 which powered the whole of the West of Scotland for a week before the dilithium crystals broke and the hyperdrive was never the same again. At that moment Kenny came to see us bearing some drinks and some food - it was good to see him in a slightly ill-fitting waiter outfit dispensing nutrition to the important people, whilst knowing his place - when he offered me a Cranberry juice and a Tofu and Chocolate vol-a-vent. Mr Angus liberated three large whiskies and a small plate of peat-roasted barley-meal Europie buffalo-wings, made with the finest Europie chicken i.e. beach sperm whale marinaded in Tennants Lager for three months, and then flash fried in guga oil, whilst announcing that they were to be charged to his John Lewis expenses.

Calling loudly for a piper, he passed the food and drinks to his two female colleagues, and announced loudly to the room that he "was going upstairs to explain to the ladies just how he had personally stopped the Lewis Wind Farm and how the women of Lewis would be falling at his feet when it was announced shortly." Unfortunately I think this might have been overheard by some of the guests at the press reception, who thoughtlessly carried the news the following day and started contacting Mr Jim.

Mr Angus was red faced the next day, which he explained as carpet burns, and an emergency decision was taken to rush out the refusal immediately, irrespective of the merits of the case. What power I have to influence the Minister into doing what he tells me he is going to do. MWT have already promised to hold a street party in my honour, to which I will have to invite Mr Angus, as soon as they all come to Lewis for their holidays. They have promised that all the school children at all the affected schools will throw palm leaves at our feet and carve our names with pride into the peat banks for posterity.

MWT have also asked me to campaign against the schools closures, which the Council claim to result from a drop in pupil numbers from 500 to 17 in the past ten years, with a projected role of not more than 3 by 2011. What rubbish - the absence of children shouldn't be a bar on keeping the schools open, and I am sure that the Council can find the money by cutting their non-essential expenditure on things such as Polish language bin collections, twining with Riyadh and Bora-Bora, translating everything into Gaelic and paying for Councillors to visit the offices in Stornoway.

Expenses claimed: £7,445
Windfarms destroyed: 1
Gauva and kiwifruit tea drunk: 1 pot

I've read my wise words this many times

* No, not really. If you haven't worked out that this is a satirical exercise, then please get a life. And find one for Alasdair.